ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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