i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
