Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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