I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
