I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
