He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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