um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
