Buhtt sex?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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