guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
