I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
