Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
