it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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