I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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