I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
