No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He better not be in your backpack
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
