I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
