Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
