Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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