Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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