how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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