i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
