How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When did angry sex become our thing?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
