I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize