Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
