I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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