turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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