i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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