You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
