Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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