my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was CRYING into my vagina
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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