I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
