unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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