hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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