her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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