dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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