Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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