i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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