we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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