God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
