Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My cat gives me a boner
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
