you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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