I need help removing her.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
