i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
