we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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