Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
