ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
