dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I smell stomach acid.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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