people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
