He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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