I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
