sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
