dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
