I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my shit smells like andre
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
