so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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