I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
