Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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