i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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