We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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