Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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