you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
