Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Randomize
