dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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