the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
