A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
