Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
