i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
