I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The air was thick with penises
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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