Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
