this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize