he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
