Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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