Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
