mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
