My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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