he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
