considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
