im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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