So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
