apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
