apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he thought i was a dude.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
