we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
