Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
