Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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