just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
