wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
