Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
