Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
