I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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