I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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