Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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