i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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