Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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