I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
