At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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