nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
